My Resolutions: For Real!

It is December 31, 2014, so I am obligated by law to post my New Year’s Resolutions for 2015.  The problem is, I have never once achieved any of my resolutions, ever.  They have usually been fine goals such as the following:

  • Lose _____ pounds.  (The number changes, but the goal is always there.)
  • Learn to be a figure skater and do twirly twirly things without throwing up or breaking bones.
  • Get a life.
  • Don’t be such a dork.
  • Write a book.  With words.  Probably in English.
  • Gain enough wisdom and equanimity so that I can grade a pile of papers without lapsing into a rant about the decline of civilization and ending up with a migraine.
  • Do something that will earn you scads of money so that you don’t have to worry about stupid goals above.
  • Make your bed every day.  (This one is to please my mother. Even if I earned scads of money, I would still need to make my bed every day to please her.)

None of these happened, obviously.

So this time I am going to make more realistic resolutions, one I hope that I will be able to achieve.

  • Eat food every day, probably more than once a day.
  • Get out of bed every single day, at least long enough to go to the bathroom.
  • Watch other people have lives. Wonder how they do it.
  • Cultivate dorkiness.  Pretend it’s cool.
  • Read books with words in English.
  • Refrain from inflicting physical violence upon people who are deliberately throwing civilization to the dogs by refusing to learn how to use an apostrophe propery.
  • Spend money.
  • Make bed everyday.

Wish me luck!  What are your resolutions for the new year?