Humorist Marietta Holley on Man Logic

You would be hard-pressed to find an American who had never heard of Mark Twain, the famous 19th century writer and humorist.  It would be almost as difficult to find an American who had even heard of Marietta Holley, much less read her work.  And yet, in her lifetime (1836-1926), Holley was nearly as popular a literary humorist as Mark Twain was.

holley

She published twenty-four books between 1873 and 1914, many of them humor books written under the pseudonym “Samantha Allen” or “Josiah Allen’s Wife.”  In these works, Holley uses humor to advocate for women’s rights and temperance, the two issues about which she was most passionate.  A best-selling writer in her own time, she was forgotten after her death.

samantha woman question

Living as we do in a time period in which some people still openly claim women are not funny, or at least not as funny as men, I think it is important to keep the voices of past female humorists alive. (Click here and here for random examples of the women-aren’t-funny claim.)  Although we would all like to think the struggles women faced over a century ago are no longer relevant, unfortunately this is not the case.  The role of women in the Christian Church, for example, is still a hot-button issue, and Holley’s satire still rings true.  I will admit that her use of dialect is a little off-putting.  If you can get past the dialect, though, I think you’ll find her humor is still effective.

I am reproducing here an excerpt from Holley’s book Samantha Among the Brethren. In this excerpt from Samantha Among the Brethren, Samantha—a devout Christian—is frustrated with the way women are treated in her church.  In particular, Samantha grapples with trying to understand why women are not allowed to serve as delegates to a church conference.  Although Samantha does not understand the logic governing women’s status in the Church, her husband Josiah understands it perfectly because of his superior mind.   It has to do with how the words “laymen” and “men” are interpreted in official documents.   Women’s minds are too feeble to understand such fine legal distinctions, but Josiah happily tries to explain it to Samantha.

 

“Oh, yes,” sez Josiah in a reasonin’ tone, “the word laymen always means wimmen when it is used in a punishin’ and condemnatory sense, or in the case of work and so forth, but when it comes to settin’ up in high places, or drawin’ sallerys, or anything else difficult, it alweys means men.”

Sez I, in a very dry axent, “Then the word man, when it is used in church matters, always means wimmen, so fur as scrubbin’ is concerned, and drudging round?”

“Yes,” sez Josiah haughtily.  “And it always means men in the higher and more difficult matters of decidin’ questions, drawin’ sallerys, settin’ on Conferences, etc.  It has long been settled to be so,” sez he.

“Who settled it?” sez I.

“Why the men, of course,” sez he.  “The men have always made the rules of the churches, and translated the Bibles, and everything else that is difficult,” sez he.

Sez I, in fearful dry axents, almost husky ones, “It seems to take quite a knack to know jest when the word “laymen” means men and when it means wimmin.”

“That is so,” sez Josiah. “It takes a man’s mind to grapple with it; wimmen’s minds are too weak to tackle it.  It is jest as it is with that word “men” in the Declaration of Independence.  Now that word “men” in that Declaration, means men some of the  time, and some of the time men and wimmen both.  It means both sexes when it relates to punishment, taxin’ property, obeyin’ the laws strictly, etc. etc., and then it goes right on the very next minute and means men only, as to wit, namely, votin’, takin’ charge of public matters, makin’ laws, etc.

Josiah continued:  “I tell you it takes deep minds to follow on and see jest to a hair where the division is made.  It takes statesmanship.  Now take that claws, ‘All men are born free and equal. ‘ Now half of that means men and the other half men and wimmen.  Now to understand them words perfect you have got to divide the tex.  “Men are born.”  That means men and wimmen both—men and wimmen are both born, nobody can dispute that.  Then comes the next claws—‘Free and equal.’  Now that means men only; anybody with one eye can see that.”

“Then the claws, ‘True government consists,’” continued Josiah. “That means men and wimmen both—consists—of course the government consists of men and wimmen, ‘twould be a fool who would dispute that, “in the consent of the governed.’  That means men alone.  Do you see, Samantha?” sez he.

I kept my eye fixed on the tea kettle, fer I stood with my tea-pot in hand waiting for it to bile—“I see a great deal, Josiah Allen.”

Teaser Tuesday: Dear Committee Members

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Julie Schumacher. Photo credit, Catherine Smith
Dear Carole:

This letter’s purpose is to provide the usual gratuitous language recommending a student, one Gunnar Lang, for a work-study fellowship.  Lang–a sophomore with a mop of blond dreadlocks erupting from the topic of his head like the yellow coils of an excess brain–tells me that he has applied, unsuccessfully, for this same golden opportunity three times and that this is his final attempt to satisfy our university’s endless requests for redundant documentation.  He needs a minimum of eight to ten hours of work-study per week–preferably in the library rather than the slops of food service.  Deny him the fellowship and he will undoubtedly turn his hand to something more lucrative, probably hawking illegal substances between the athletic facilities and the Pizza Barn.

This is a short excerpt from the novel Dear Committee Members by Julie Schumacher.  The novel is a satire of life in academia and would appeal to academics, especially those in the beleaguered departments of humanities.  The novel is written as a series of recommendation letters.  Fortunately for the readers, the main character, Jason Fitger, writes letters that are completely inappropriate and laugh-out-loud funny.  This is the funniest book that I have read in a long time.  It is also, as the best humor is, very sad.

Read it, all right?

This post is a contribution to  Teaser Tuesday is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of A Daily Rhythm.  Here are the rules.  And yes, I cheated by including four sentences rather than two.  Sue me.

Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

The Kim Jong-un Weight-Loss Regime

Who wants to be fat when the apocalypse comes?

This post is part of my Live from America! series.  For information that series, click here.

Dear ALF:

I wish you and your fellow Advanced Life Forms a happy new year.  (Now that I think of it, though, I don’t know if your creatures have years—be they old or new.  Oh, well.  Whatever.  (“Whatever” is what my people say when they do not want to be required to use language to communicate.)

In today’s headlines are reports that North Korea has detonated its first hydrogen bomb.  Since the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, is bat-shit crazy and runs a bat-shit crazy regime, this news probably means the world will probably be coming to an end in the next few years.

You know what that means, right?  It means there is no time to waste in achieving our weight loss goals! Yes, ALF, I have made a New Year’s Resolution to lose some weight.  This is what my people do in early January of every year.   Statistics tell us that 70% of Americans need to lose weight and the other 30% believe they should lose weight.  That means everybody is either on a diet or should be on a diet or feels guilty for not being on a diet or is in such a Big Mac stupor that they do not know what the word “diet” means.

Our weight-loss obsession is actually excellent news because the diet industry is what keeps the American economy from collapsing under the weight of all of the McDonald’s arches.   According to ABC news “the annual revenue of the U.S. weight-loss industry, including diet books, diet drugs and weight-loss surgeries” is $20 billion.

$20 billion is a lot of money, ALF.  To give you some perspective, the annual gross domestic product of Namibia, a country in southern Africa, is $13.11 billion   Clearly, the Namibians need to go on more diets in order to increase their GDP.

But, I digress.  My point, ALF, is that I am doing my part to keep the economy alive by beginning my weight loss journey.  Knowing the world will end soon, thanks to people like Kim Jong-un, is a wonderful motivator for me.  Who wants to be fat when the apocalypse comes?

I do not mean to imply that Kim Jong-un is all bad.  In fact, I admire his leadership style in many ways and have implemented some of his ideas in my own job.  For example, I learned last year, that he requires his people to sport haircuts that mimic his own.

kim-jong-un-ppcorn2

Who wouldn’t want that haircut?

I think this is a great idea, and last year, I tried to enforce it on the minions in my department.  My hair looks like this, by the way.

Debra xmas

My people are not as docile as North Korea’s, though.  Some of the male members of the department muttered something about their baldness getting in the way of the requisite haircut.

But again, I digress. Back to weight loss.  I am focused and motivated to succeed on my Kim Jong-un nuclear weight loss diet.  Who wants to join me?  (You will need to copy my hairstyle, of course.)

Live from America! Bombing Agrabah

Many people reacted to the results of this poll with derision. They think it is silly to bomb places that do not exist. I, however, think it is actually a brilliant idea.

disney-movies-2-aladdin-and-jasmin

(For an explanation of the Live from America! series, click here.)

Earth Date 12/19/2015

Dear Advanced Life Form (ALF):

Greetings! I hope you are doing well.   College students around the country are dropping into exhausted heaps of inert student masses as they finish their semesters.  I am a college professor, and like my colleagues around the country, I will dropping into an exhausted heap of inert professor mass as soon as I finish my pile of grading.

But first, I want to file my report to you on the state of America.  A recent poll can, I think, illuminate the nature of my people and the times in which we live. A sample of Americans was asked if they were in favor of an American campaign to bomb the country of Agrabah.  30% of Republicans polled said “yes.” After all, Agrabah must be an Arab, Muslim country, and we know that all of Those People are terrorists, so we might as well bomb them off the map, right?

The problem is, Agrabah does not exist.  It is the name of a fictional country taken from the Disney film Aladdin.  Oops.

Oh, well.  Everybody knows that knowledge of geography isn’t our strong suit here in America.  That’s OK, though, we make up for our ignorance with high self-esteem and lots and lots of guns.

Many people reacted to the results of this poll with derision.  They think it is silly to bomb places that do not exist.   I, however, think it is actually a brilliant idea.  Bombing real places with real people in them has a number of drawbacks:  it is costly, it is messy, and the people being bombed tend to form negative attitudes towards the bombers and then become terrorists.

Bombing non-existent places, though, has none of these drawbacks.  It is cheap, clean, and much less irritating to the people on the ground.  Bombers can get their jollies by pretending to destroy entire civilizations without spending trillions of tax dollars! We could use the saved dollars on other things, like mandatory geography education.

Why didn’t we think of this earlier?  Maybe I should run for president.

That’s all for now, ALF.  Take care.

–Dotty Olbatt

 

 

 

 

Live from America! What is Christmas?

Diary Entry 12/15/15  (For an explanation of the series Live from America! Click here.)

Dear Advanced Life Form (ALF):

Today I went out to lunch with some friends to celebrate Christmas.  Tomorrow I will go to a Christmas party with co-workers.  I have already been to a few other Christmas celebrations and plan to attend several more before the season is over.  I am in a sugar-induced coma from all the Christmas cookies I’ve eaten.  In a word, I am an American.

personalized-christmas-cookies-500x262

Source

If you wish to understand the Ways of My People, ALF, you will need to understand what Christmas is all about.  Christmas is a Christian holiday, and its purpose is to celebrate the birth of Christ.  Christians believe that Christ is the human incarnation of God and that Christ sacrificed himself on the cross so that our sins would be forgiven and we would have eternal life.  Christmas is all about love and an appreciation for our creator and redeemer.

Adoration of the Shepherds
Adoration of the Shepherds by Gerard von Honthurst, 1622

We Americans are a religious people, and we take all this Christmas stuff seriously.  We show our devotion by shopping–I mean serious, hard-core, shopping.  I’m not talking “Oh, I think I’ll buy an orange for little Mikey and put it in a stocking and he will be ever-so-grateful.”  I’m talking  $465 billion on Christmas gifts this year, or around an I-Pad and an X-Box per person.  We celebrate God’s love by stressing ourselves out.  We spending money we don’t have to buy gifts that our loved ones don’t need and sometimes don’t even want. We do this for Jesus.

christmas-shopping-chaos-560x360
Source

We do this because back in Bethlehem, where Jesus was born, they didn’t have much in the way of retail stores or gift certificates, and we feel bad about that.  We want to make up for the toy cars, video games, and gift certificates to iTunes that Jesus didn’t have when he was a boy.

Don’t get me wrong, though, ALF.  Christmas isn’t just about stuff.  It’s also about decorating fake pine trees with pretty, shiny things.  And it’s about music—glorious sacred music.  I know a lot of people think that Handel’s Messiah” is the bees’ knees when it comes to Christmas music.  I’m not so sure about that.  Handel was all right, but he doesn’t hold a candle to the real genius of Christmas music: Johnny Marks, the composer of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

Because ultimately, Christmas is about reindeer.  Whether black-nosed, brown-nosed, or red-nosed; whether from the Middle East, the North Pole, or Wisconsin,  reindeer are people, too.

Christmas-Reindeer-images-christmas-14921978-407-230
Source

And that, ALF, is why we spend so much money on Christmas that our entire economy hinges on retail sales in December.

I hope this clears up any questions you may have about Christmas.  It’s really pretty simple.

Oh–and Christmas is also about Jingle Cats singing “White Christmas.”

Live from America! 12/14/15

Dear Advanced Life Forms of the Future:

Greetings!  I am a human living in the United States of America in the year 2015.  At the time of this report, our nation is looking for a new president in a process known as “democratic elections.”  The first step in this process is for each political party to choose a nominee to run for president.  Right now, the front runner in the Republican primary is a man named Donald Trump.

Donald T rump

Donald Trump

Trump specializes in hate-mongering and has offended just about everybody on the planet who is not a rich, white, American male.  Nonetheless, as a candidate, he is leading the polls at this time.  They say that sex sells when it comes to products.  Apparently, hate sells when it comes to politics.

I have therefore concluded that Donald Trump will win the presidential election.  He will then get us into a nuclear war with Vladimir Putin of Russia in order to decide, in an epic showdown, which of them has/is the biggest dick on the planet.  Our planet will not survive this showdown, except for a few isolated outposts of struggling humanity.

That is where you come in, Advanced Life Forms of the Future.  I am assuming that after you discover the pathetic remains of our planet, you will be curious to find out what happened to us.

I am here to help you out.  I will keep this diary on my blog as a chronicle of what life was like in Late America (Before The End Times).   I’m not a leader, a celebrity, or a rich person.  I’m just an ordinary American providing a chronicle of my ordinary days.  I hope it will help you Advanced Life Forms to make more sense of my planet, my country, my people.

Report from December 14, 2015

One of today’s headlines focused on a landmark climate control deal agreed to by over 200 countries after meeting in Paris.  This is big news for the state of our planet, which we have been busy destroying for quite a while.  For reasons that are too complicated to explain in my little diary, the earth has been getting warmer and the weather has become more volatile because of emissions we have put into the atmosphere.

The purpose of the talks in Paris have been to strike a deal that would begin to reverse some of the most devastating effects of global warming. According to Carol Davenport, a reporter for the New York Times,

The new deal will not, on its own, solve global warming. At best, scientists who have analyzed it say, it will cut global greenhouse gas emissions by about half enough as is necessary to stave off an increase in atmospheric temperatures of 2 degrees Celsius or 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit. That is the point at which, scientific studies have concluded, the world will be locked into a future of devastating consequences, including rising sea levels, severe droughts and flooding, widespread food and water shortages and more destructive storms.

But the Paris deal could represent the moment at which, because of a shift in global economic policy, the inexorable rise in planet-warming carbon emissions that started during the Industrial Revolution began to level out and eventually decline.” (NYTimes 12/13/2915)

A deal that helps us save the planet we all live on might seem like a good thing to most people, but not everybody agrees that saving the planet from global warming is a worthwhile goal.

Presidential candidate Marco Rubio, for example, noted once that “America is not a planet.”  Therefore, he does not want to put any restrictions on businesses in order to save the planet. (I know, I know, that logic doesn’t make any sense to me, either.)

And Donald Trump thinks the idea of global warming is just a hoax invented by the Chinese to destroy America.  (Those sneaky Chinese people!)

You can see their point.  After all, worrying about a planet in decline can really get in the way of the important stuff in life.  That’s why the number 1 trending story on google today is not about global warming or chaos in the Middle East or the presidential election, but something really important::  Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian ‘Inseparable,’ ‘Touchy Feely’ While Partying in Wes Hollywood, Says Source. 

justin-kourtney-435

Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian

In case you, Advanced Life Form, do not know who these people are, Justin Bieber is a singer who looks to me like he is 8 years old. Apparently, though, young women find him to be attractive.  Kourtney Kardashian is a young woman who is famous.  Honestly, I have no idea why she is famous, but she is.  Her sisters are famous, too, and they like to wear tight clothing a lot.  I’d like to be more helpful, but that’s really all I can tell you.

You can see, Advanced Life Form, humanity has its problems.   But I do rather enjoy living here, and hope the planet can find a way to keep going awhile longer.  There are always wonderful things to celebrate.

Today’s wonderful thing is this:  Goats Singing Christmas Carols.  Check out this youtube video made by Action Aid.

I bet you don’t have that on your planet!

That’s all for today’s report.  Stay tuned for more news from America!

How to Get Fit By Jogging (For Women over 50)

I have been alive for over half of a century.  That means I have lived through disco fever, two Bush administrations, and the spectacle of Miley Cyrus twerking.  I have learned many things on all this time on the planet, and I am willing to share my nuggets of wisdom with you.

Today’s nugget is about fitness.  Jogging is a popular and effective way to get fit.  It is free, and anybody can do it, but women over fifty have to take some special precautions before getting started.  Here are my recommendations.

Proper clothing is essential.  Let us begin with the proper foundation.  If you are a woman over 50, your hormones have most likely caused your boobs to double in size.  You have to be careful not to let those puppies bounce too much or else they may knock out what’s left of your teeth. I recommend investing in a sports bra.  This bra should bear not the slightest resemblance to anything worn by a Victoria’s Secret model.  Look instead for a full-coverage model, preferably made of armor.A good fitting bra that supports your puppies properly should not cost you more than $75.00

Something like this is nice because it includes room for your rows of belly fat.

breast armor

Next, it is important to wear proper shorts.  Theoretically, any type of short should work.  In reality, though, unless you suffer from some tropical wasting disease, you need to be wary of the dreaded thigh chafe: aka “chub rub.”  This chafe happens when “thigh meat” meets “thigh meat” and it is not pretty.  You could use Vaseline or baby powder on your thighs to prevent the chub rub.  Some people say Desitin (the baby rash ointment) works well once the chafe occurs.  But I believe in being well-prepared, so I would recommend purchasing some anti-chafing underwear, which looks like something between a diaper and Dominatrix getup.

thigh chafe

With these anti-chafers and your breast armor, you should be able to wear any t-shirt and shorts and be ready to frolic.

Let’s not forget the footwear.  You will, of course, need to spend well over $100 for the proper running shoes.  Many types are available, and they all boast such fancy technology related to air, suspension, and support, that they must have been built by engineers.

Spending $150 for running shoes will not be enough for the woman over 50, though, since she has undoubtedly suffered from plantar fasciitis, Achilles tendinitis, and a capite ad calcem.  Therefore I highly recommend investing in prescription orthotics to insert into your really expensive running shoes.  They are only around $500, but your insurance may pay for them.

orthotics

 Speaking of injuries, if you have run even once in the past three years, you will probably be suffering from a knee injury.  This is no excuse for staying on the couch!  A decent knee brace should not set you back more than $770, and it might even save your knee.

knee brace

You’ll want to invest in good socks, of course.  Make sure you only buy those that manage your moisture with an unnatural fabric and boast a ventilated top to help your feet breathe.  You should not need to spend more than $15 for a good pair of socks.

When you are putting your socks and shoes on, don’t forget your antibiotic ointment, bandaids and moleskin to protect the blisters you earned from working out once already this year.

Although running with your IPod is not absolutely necessary, I find it helpful to keep my energy up. IPod tablets are engineered for maximum funness, and you don’t want to go out into the world without your maximum funness on, do you?  $300 should be enough to get you started.

You don’t want to have to carry your IPod in your sweaty hand, so make sure you buy an armband for it.  Stick the IPod into the arm band and wear it on your upper-arm.

Oh—before you go out the door, don’t forget your headphones to plug into the Ipod!

Now you are all set!

First, warm up with a slow jog.  If it is a hot summer day, this warm-up will probably be enough to get the sweat dripping into your eyes.  For the rest of the run, your eyes will be burning with sweat and you will be blind.

After a few more minutes, you will notice that your head phones have fallen out of your ears.  As you try to fix the headphones while continuing to jog, blind, you trip over your untied shoe and to flying, face first, into the sidewalk.
After waking up ten minutes later, you find that you are bruised, scratched and broken all over. You probably have a concussion.  Crawl home, blood and sweat dripping from every pore.

Post a status update on Facebook to brag about how good you feel after your run.

You’re done!

The Muskie Monster Movie

I recently spent a couple of days in Hayward, Wisconsin.  Hayward is a small resort town in northern Wisconsin which is ringed by lakes.  It is located somewhere south of the North Pole.

Hayward is located somewhere south of the North Pole.
Hayward is located somewhere south of the North Pole.

Cross-country enthusiasts might know the town as the end-point of the famous 54 kilometer Birkebeiner ski race.

Hayward is also the place, however, where somebody thought it would be a good idea to build a fish that is 143 feet long and 45 feet tall and call it the World’s Largest Muskie.

P1010578

 Inside this muskie is the National Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame.  The purpose of this muskie and the Hall of Fame is to honor the sport of fresh-water fishing.  I think I was supposed to leave the park filled with renewed desire to stick my pole in a pool of water and wait for something to happen.

However, the World’s Largest Muskie had a different effect on me:  I found the whole scene rather disturbing, like a surrealist painting.

Painting by Michael Cheval
Painting by Michael Cheval

It did not help that Muskie Monster was in the process of eating Santa and his reindeer. 

Santa

I was half-convinced that Mr. Muskie was going to turn on us next and devour us, in retaliation for all the fishermen who had eaten his friends.

So I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea for a movie, one that I will produce, direct and star in.  This movie will take place during the Birkebeiner ski race, so there will be thousands of cross-country skiers passing through Hayward.  Something will happen in the movie that will be the last straw for Muskie Monster.  He will decide that it is time for fish to turn the tables on humans and start to eat US.  He and his dozens of Muskie Monster Minions (who will suddenly appear out of nowhere) start chasing the skiers, devouring hundreds of them. (I’m not sure how Muskie Monster will get around.  I guess he’ll have to have skis as well.  We’ll work out the details later.)

All is gloom and doom, and it seems that northern Wisconsin will be destroyed by the rapidly reproducing Monster Muskies.  But then, our heroine, Minnesota Madame, (played by me, of course) enters the scene and has a plan to save the day.

I’m not going to tell you how it ends.  You’ll have to wait to see the movie!

What do you think of my idea? Any ideas for a title of my movie?

 M & D Hayward

 

 

 

 

My Resolutions: For Real!

It is December 31, 2014, so I am obligated by law to post my New Year’s Resolutions for 2015.  The problem is, I have never once achieved any of my resolutions, ever.  They have usually been fine goals such as the following:

  • Lose _____ pounds.  (The number changes, but the goal is always there.)
  • Learn to be a figure skater and do twirly twirly things without throwing up or breaking bones.
  • Get a life.
  • Don’t be such a dork.
  • Write a book.  With words.  Probably in English.
  • Gain enough wisdom and equanimity so that I can grade a pile of papers without lapsing into a rant about the decline of civilization and ending up with a migraine.
  • Do something that will earn you scads of money so that you don’t have to worry about stupid goals above.
  • Make your bed every day.  (This one is to please my mother. Even if I earned scads of money, I would still need to make my bed every day to please her.)

None of these happened, obviously.

So this time I am going to make more realistic resolutions, one I hope that I will be able to achieve.

  • Eat food every day, probably more than once a day.
  • Get out of bed every single day, at least long enough to go to the bathroom.
  • Watch other people have lives. Wonder how they do it.
  • Cultivate dorkiness.  Pretend it’s cool.
  • Read books with words in English.
  • Refrain from inflicting physical violence upon people who are deliberately throwing civilization to the dogs by refusing to learn how to use an apostrophe propery.
  • Spend money.
  • Make bed everyday.

Wish me luck!  What are your resolutions for the new year?

from http://www.secretlifeofamedstudent.com/2013/12/new-years-resolutions.html
from http://www.secretlifeofamedstudent.com/2013/12/new-years-resolutions.html

 

Looking for Donors!

I really loved visiting Boston recently.  I loved it so much that I would like to live there.  However, I do not have a lot of money, so I will need somebody else to buy property for me.  I am wondering if you would be interested.

I will need two separate establishments, one in the city of Boston so that I have close access to all the city attractions, and one in Concord so that I have more space and peace.

For the Boston home, I would like to live in a brownstone in the Back Bay or in Beacon Hill.  Here is a property that would work quite nicely.  It is only 5 millionish because it needs restoration.

16 Marlborough
16 Marlborough

For more information about property, click here.

When I want respite from the hustle and bustle of Boston living, I would like to retreat to a place like this in Concord:

49 Sudbury Road, Concord
49 Sudbury Road, Concord

Iconic Concord Center Treasure
The Franklin B. Sanborn House and Schoolroom, located at 49 Sudbury Road in Concord, Massachusetts, is rich in Concord history, and has been elegantly enlarged over the years. A refined sense of scale and proportion permeates the property, inside and out.

Currently there is a rentable apartment on the second floor and an idyllic one bedroom cottage, perfect as a rental or home office. This ideal Concord Center home was the Franklin Sanborn co-educational school (opened March 26,1855). Pupils included some of the children of Emerson, Hawthorne, Henry James, Horace Mann, John Brown and the Alcotts. Enjoy the private patio and the large backyard while you add your unique history to those eminent people who lived here before.

Unfortunately, this home is no longer for sale.  It was purchased for around $2,000,000 recently.  However, I am showing it to you to give you a sense of what I like.

Based on my research, then, you could make me very happy for only 7 million dollars.  I would suggest rounding up to $8 million, though, for furniture and incidentals.

If you agree to purchase properties for me, in return, I will write a really nice blog post featuring you.  Maybe even two!

I look forward to hearing from all of my potential donors.