The Muskie Monster Movie

I recently spent a couple of days in Hayward, Wisconsin.  Hayward is a small resort town in northern Wisconsin which is ringed by lakes.  It is located somewhere south of the North Pole.

Hayward is located somewhere south of the North Pole.
Hayward is located somewhere south of the North Pole.

Cross-country enthusiasts might know the town as the end-point of the famous 54 kilometer Birkebeiner ski race.

Hayward is also the place, however, where somebody thought it would be a good idea to build a fish that is 143 feet long and 45 feet tall and call it the World’s Largest Muskie.


 Inside this muskie is the National Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame.  The purpose of this muskie and the Hall of Fame is to honor the sport of fresh-water fishing.  I think I was supposed to leave the park filled with renewed desire to stick my pole in a pool of water and wait for something to happen.

However, the World’s Largest Muskie had a different effect on me:  I found the whole scene rather disturbing, like a surrealist painting.

Painting by Michael Cheval
Painting by Michael Cheval

It did not help that Muskie Monster was in the process of eating Santa and his reindeer. 


I was half-convinced that Mr. Muskie was going to turn on us next and devour us, in retaliation for all the fishermen who had eaten his friends.

So I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea for a movie, one that I will produce, direct and star in.  This movie will take place during the Birkebeiner ski race, so there will be thousands of cross-country skiers passing through Hayward.  Something will happen in the movie that will be the last straw for Muskie Monster.  He will decide that it is time for fish to turn the tables on humans and start to eat US.  He and his dozens of Muskie Monster Minions (who will suddenly appear out of nowhere) start chasing the skiers, devouring hundreds of them. (I’m not sure how Muskie Monster will get around.  I guess he’ll have to have skis as well.  We’ll work out the details later.)

All is gloom and doom, and it seems that northern Wisconsin will be destroyed by the rapidly reproducing Monster Muskies.  But then, our heroine, Minnesota Madame, (played by me, of course) enters the scene and has a plan to save the day.

I’m not going to tell you how it ends.  You’ll have to wait to see the movie!

What do you think of my idea? Any ideas for a title of my movie?

 M & D Hayward





Author: DebraB

I am a Professor of English at Concordia University-St. Paul. I have a Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. My research interests include American literature, contemporary literature, Middle Eastern literature, African literature and feminist theory.

16 thoughts on “The Muskie Monster Movie”

  1. In escalating tension the Birkebeiner racers pierce the Muskie Monster Minions with ski poles, as they race to Superior, WI for safety. When they think all may be lost, the survivors race across the John A. Blatnik Bridge from Superior, WI to Duluth, MN, hearing the crazed barking of the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Racers ahead of them and the munching of the Muskie Monster Minions behind them.

    Minnesota Madame and her star Huskies, biting and hankerng to take off for Alaska, can only do one thing, as their fur covered Madame and they hear the munching of Muskie Minions and frothing skiiers. Our heroine turns her pantng boys around and shouts, ” On Babe, on Blue, on Ox, on Paul, on Bun, on Yun!” Her blue-eyed dogs leap forward!

    Suddenly Paul Bunyun and Babe the Blue Ox Giganticus, trunch behnd her, racing from Bemidji at her call to the blue-eyed panting wonders. MN Madame leads the attack on the Muskie Monster Minions, slathering toward the Blatnik Bridge, and at once and at last, the Muskies slip and slide into Lake Superior, MN Madame, Paul, the Iditarod Dogs, and the Bierkibeiner racers, cheering.

    Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox fire up the biggest muskie fish fry ever seen on Park Point, Lake Superior. MN Madame and her team of dogs are last seen in the light of the setting sun and Park Point fires. Suddenly and surprisingly, Madame’s beloved, Canadian Mounty Markus, rides in on his steed, racing toward his magnificent MN Madame. “Madame, where yert thee?! As the sleds went by, you yeren’t in the lead! I followed the trail backwards, and now, I have found thee, my beloved.”

    The noise of a thousand families and folks celebrate their own survival, yelling Viking ballads, beating their chests, and smacking their lips. “CUT!” yells the movie’s director. But wait, stay beyond the credits–in the final scene, a giant Muskie winks, slapping his tail in the frigid waters of Lake Superior, and a dog howls in the distance to the music of “Vikings Theme Song – If I had a heart by Fever Ray (HD)” [History Channel]. Go Lagertha Lofbrok!

  2. Good idea for a film. Edmund Muskie was from Maine (good title too). Do not mock this film idea Debra. It could have legs as well as skis a so-called “comedy of terrors”. It is however ok to mock the alleged sport of freshwater fishing, and I am sure you could work this in somehow.

    1. Steve: Given some of the films that are out there, you are probably right. It could indeed have “legs” (attached to skis.) I love the term “comedy of terrors!” I shall have to steal this term from you and use it in the future somehow, somewhere.

      1. Not really, but I can be an early adopter (by the muskie) – as I struggle to keep myself upright, the evil fish crashes through the forest to clamp its awesome jaws on my writhing…you fill in the rest.

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