I recently spent a couple of days in Hayward, Wisconsin. Hayward is a small resort town in northern Wisconsin which is ringed by lakes. It is located somewhere south of the North Pole.
Cross-country enthusiasts might know the town as the end-point of the famous 54 kilometer Birkebeiner ski race.
Hayward is also the place, however, where somebody thought it would be a good idea to build a fish that is 143 feet long and 45 feet tall and call it the World’s Largest Muskie.
Inside this muskie is the National Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame. The purpose of this muskie and the Hall of Fame is to honor the sport of fresh-water fishing. I think I was supposed to leave the park filled with renewed desire to stick my pole in a pool of water and wait for something to happen.
However, the World’s Largest Muskie had a different effect on me: I found the whole scene rather disturbing, like a surrealist painting.
It did not help that Muskie Monster was in the process of eating Santa and his reindeer.
I was half-convinced that Mr. Muskie was going to turn on us next and devour us, in retaliation for all the fishermen who had eaten his friends.
So I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea for a movie, one that I will produce, direct and star in. This movie will take place during the Birkebeiner ski race, so there will be thousands of cross-country skiers passing through Hayward. Something will happen in the movie that will be the last straw for Muskie Monster. He will decide that it is time for fish to turn the tables on humans and start to eat US. He and his dozens of Muskie Monster Minions (who will suddenly appear out of nowhere) start chasing the skiers, devouring hundreds of them. (I’m not sure how Muskie Monster will get around. I guess he’ll have to have skis as well. We’ll work out the details later.)
All is gloom and doom, and it seems that northern Wisconsin will be destroyed by the rapidly reproducing Monster Muskies. But then, our heroine, Minnesota Madame, (played by me, of course) enters the scene and has a plan to save the day.
I’m not going to tell you how it ends. You’ll have to wait to see the movie!
What do you think of my idea? Any ideas for a title of my movie?